Clip from the Nativity Story

I really love this movie because it challenges me on what it means to be a husband. This clip for the first 5 minutes and 5 seconds shows good part of how this movie demonstrates a godly husband.

Advice to men in looking for wives

Biblical Womanhood by Voddie Baucham

A godly husband who can find?

To my sister,

What are you looking for in a husband? My beloved sister, stop and hear this counsel from a godly mother. These words were written to her son, but this advice is also for the heart of a woman as she contemplates on what to look for in a husband. She teaches her son, "Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy Kings." (Proverbs 31) In seeking a husband, there are many things that via for our attraction in the opposite sex, whether it is physical, emotional, social, or financial, but the counsel of the scriptures is to not give your heart to these superficial things. My sister, it is my desire that you protect your heart and your way from being led astray by these things that can so easily destroy and ravage your heart. “Keep your heart with all vigilance for from it flow the springs of life.”

Come close and listen, to the wisdom and counsel of a godly mother, as she speaks to her son in love. She advises her son to find a godly woman in whom he can trust. "The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain." Beloved sister, find a man you can trust, who will lead you and your family in the Lord. Find a man you know your heart is safe with. This is surpasses all and will strengthen your heart as a woman. Find a man who will cherish you, a man who seeks your good, in the Lord, even when it hurts. He is not afraid to make a stand on what is good.

I just watched a movie I received during Christmas. And there was a scene where the daughter was talking with her mother about romance. and her godly mother told her, "Do not despise meager beginnings." My sister, many of us men are still learning what it means to lead. We definitely are not perfect. But if you find a man who is devoted to the Lord and devoted to honoring you and loving you and leading his family, the Lord will give him the strength to be good husband. If his foundation is firmly planted in the Lord and scripture, then the house will stand. I have found that that the Lord enables what He commands and will be there close, walking beside a man like this. And that is why you can give your heart to him, because God is near. Find a man attractive, because God is near him.

My sister, you should not have to question the integrity of man’s heart. A godly man will labor to be a man you can trust in his actions and words. His character will be one that does not shy away from accountability, but instead welcomes it. He is a man who is proven. And he does not seek his own gain, but seeks to lead under the headship of Christ. This is a man, who understands that he does not uphold himself or has anything to boast in, but boasts in and depends only in Christ. His heart is the Lord's, first and only.

Here is another quote from the movie I just saw; the mother says, “Just remember, that God has written His own story for you. And it is not the feelings of your heart that it should be based upon, but rather the thoughts of your heart that you need to hear, . . . that tells you that this man will care for you no matter what, that he is someone who will kiss you when you are old and gray, tend to you when you are sick, honor you. . . . a man like that is as rare as a diamond in the rough.”

Beloved sister, don't go for the guy with a lot flair or for the vain things that pull at your heart and attractions, go for the man who has a strong foundation, a man whom you can trust.

In love,
Your brother

Dare to Love

Love . . . Let it bring us to our knees.

LORD, in loving others, may I lock the door behind me and throw away the key and commit to never leave. And may You send angels to guard the door. Abba, give me wings of eagles to soar in Your love and renew Your strength in me, so that I might run where young men fail; and love and not grow faint. For Love is not a fight; it is something worth fighting for.




Love is not a place to come and go as we please. It is a house we enter in and commit to never leave.

"I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it."

Husbands love your wives

Ephesians 5:25-30

“25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30because we are members of His body.”


The scriptures paint a beautiful picture of the passion and the enduring and enveloping love of a husband for his wife. It is interesting that the scriptures never command the wife to love her husband. The husband, however, is commanded to love his wife in the most intense and serving way. He is to lay down his life for her. Husbands, when the scripture commands us to love our wives it uses the word “agape”, the very sacrificial love that represents Christ’s love for His church. The scripture describes our wives as “cherished”, “delight of your eyes”, “beloved”, “praised”, “more precious than jewels”, and “favor of the LORD”. Our love for our wives is to be a picture of Christ’s love for the church. Husbands, this is a love that has at its primary goal the good and protection of your wife. It is a love that sacrificially guards her under the word of God. Not in harshness but in the gentle and romantic strength of washing her with the word. A Husband must seek to serve his wife, nourishing and cherishing her, loving his wife as his own body. This is not a typical love, it is more. It is romantic, yet strong; passionate, yet deep and healthy. So husbands let us romance our wives in the amazing love Christ. Husbands, cultivate this love for your wife. And men, we must not wait till we are married for us to cultivate this kind of love, whether you are single or married, we must cultivate a heart of love. We must cultivate a love that not only lays our life down for our wife, but also for others, as we represent Christ’s love as men.

My Prayer for Marriage

o The Lord will have His rightful place, the first (the only) place. He is my first love.

o To live by faith

o To pursue others with faithfulness

o To honor my sisters

o To be pure, to be a man of honor

o That you will prepare my heart to be a home

o Lord, I want to be a one woman man, save my heart for my wife, and if or until I am married, Lord have my heart, in this.

o To trust that You will keep what I have committed to You

o To trust that You will meet my deepest needs and desires in this area

o You are the good Shepherd

o To lay it down at Your feet, to live fully as a single man - to commit myself to You (Being single is not to seek marriage, but to be free to seek the Lord undistracted, devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. We will pursue Him alone, seeking no other.)

God's pursuit of us

Day 5: The Romance/ God’s pursuit of us, pt 2
a. Washing with the Word/Sanctification
Ephesians 5:25-27
"25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless."

It can be frustrating, not having obtained perfection, to still fail and let God down. Our walk on this earth is not one of perfection, but of being perfected -sanctification. When we become saved, God doesn't take a huge fire hose and blast us with water to get rid of all the dirt. No, instead He comes close and gently washes us with the word. I don't understand why God does this, why we aren't made perfect. I hate the fact that I still sin. But I do know that this is romance, and somehow in all this, the romantic, gentle, loving character of God comes through. So in this walk where I am not perfect there is beauty and intimacy; and I am falling more in love with my Beloved, who washes me with His word.

You see it is Christ who washes us, who sanctifies us, who is the perfecter of our faith. We don’t wash ourselves. When Peter refused this, Jesus said, “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me.” And note here how gentle and romantic this is. Not only does he wash us (a very romantic picture), but He washes us with His word. I think of my wife (if it is the Lord’s will) and how much she will desire me to speak gently to her and how deeply that will touch her heart. This passage is extremely intense and romantic. And that is what Christ does for us. He touches the deepest parts of our hearts in a way no one else can.

“The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us.” – C.S. Lewis

Isaiah 61:10-11
"10I will rejoice greatly in the LORD,
My soul will exult in my God;
For He has clothed me with garments of salvation,
He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom decks himself with a garland,
And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
11For as the earth brings forth its sprouts,
And as a garden causes the things sown in it to spring up,
So the Lord GOD will cause righteousness and praise
To spring up before all the nations. "

Jesus is a good Shepherd. Do you trust him in your struggles, failures, hurt, in the valley of the shadow of Death?

Do you believe that He is a God who is with us in the realities of life and in the darkest parts of this world?

Additional readings: Ephesians 3:14-20; Romans 8:28-39; Reading - Our Security in Him ,
Video – At the cross

responding to a man's pursuit

This can be applied to men as well (and this is a general principle. I know each case can be different. And this is meant to only be a quick thought, not a full treatise about it.):

Often it is said that men should take the initiative to pursue women more. I think that this can often be true. I think one of the reasons that men don’t, however, is because of how women respond when they are not interested in being pursued. If he was her friend, she often pushes him away, and he loses her as a friend. Women, I know not every man has honor. But when a man of honor pursues you, and you say no, trust his integrity. Trust his strength (or at least God’s strength) to be able to continue to honor you as a friend. Just because a man pursues you, that is not a reason to push him away as a friend. When you treat a man this way you are telling him he is not strong. I know for me it makes me feel like I have failed, even if I have done things with integrity, because I have lost her trust in me, as a man. It may not be the end of the world, and even though my faith is not in how she responds, it still hurts. And on top of this, it is a loss of a dear friendship. Women if you want men to pursue you, then treat them like men when they do.

Beauty

Many years ago I watched this movie and one of the scenes stuck with me. The man had drawn a portrait of the woman he loved. When he drew the portrait, he didn’t hide who she was. The portrait was an accurate drawing of what she looked like faults and all. He showed it to her and explained that he knew her, he could see her faults, he didn’t have some fairy tale vision of who she was, but he loved her for who she was and that love was real. This is more than a fairy tale love. Its deeper and more real. And yes, I do want to love my wife this way, Lord willing, but, honestly, I do not know if God will give me a wife, but I do know that I can give this love to others. And I want them to know that Love.

Beauty

written in 2005

I listened as a man told a story on the radio about him and his wife on their honeymoon. His wife had just gotten out of the shower in the morning and as she looked at herself in the mirror she began to point out parts of her that were unattractive. Her husband walked up to her and placed his arms around her and faced her towards himself. He told her that she was insulting his wife; he would not have that. Then he gently said, “Look into my eyes.” She looked into his eyes; it was obvious in his eyes that there was no woman more beautiful. As she looked at him he said, “Let my eyes be your mirror.” He would go on to tell her that throughout their marriage.

After hearing this story, I could hear Christ saying, “Look into my eyes, Let my eyes be your mirror.” I thought about this and I questioned whether or not I wanted this. I don’t want to just be told that I am loved. I want to face my sin. I want to have victory over it. I do not just want to be told that I am wonderful and still be left in my sin. Then I thought about Jesus’ gaze, the gaze that penetrates the deepest parts of the heart, leaving nothing unsearched. How it is stern and loving. Jesus says, “Look into my eyes.” I realized that His gaze not only searches the inmost being, but it also purifies the deepest sin.

As we look into His eyes we see such great love, as He holds us in His arms and tells us that we are lovely. How could this be? A gaze so piercing and yet it contains such an enravished and gentle love, one drop being more than all the poems could contain. One drop bringing healing to our hurting heart. Such a love that makes you forget about yourself and abandon all as you are enraptured in romance of the Beloved. Now, all that matters is being with Him.

I also came to realize, if our eyes are on Jesus then we will be doing what Jesus is doing as Jesus did what the Father was doing. When we trust Him fully with our hearts we will go where He goes. Romance is at the heart of sanctification and holiness.

So let us, look into His eyes and let Him be are mirror. “Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world.” This is not a gaze into our idea or concept of who Jesus is. But it is the gaze of a broken and contrite heart that trembles at God’s word and allows His truth to run wild and rule as a lion, without compromise. It is a humble walk before our Creator and Lord. It is a gaze that lets Christ be who He is and a gaze that allows us to be who He is creating us to be.


“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His Marvelous light . . .” 1 Peter 2:9

loving others

A close married friend of mine was talking with me, today. And he said that when you get married you marry for "better or for worse" and sometimes that "worse" is you hurting because you know that you are not the man you want to be for your wife. You don't always know how to be there for her or give her what she needs. And you want so much more for her. But you don't back away. And you are not to be afraid of being her husband. You continue to be her husband and to walk with the Lord in loving her. You are her husband for "better or for worse", even when that "worse" is you.

This convicted me because I don't always feel adequate to be there for others and I always want to give so much more than I seem able to. I don't need to hide because I feel inadequate or because I hurt so much because I do not know how to be there. Sometimes you have to realize, regardless of you adequacy, it does not stop you from being a friend. And sometimes that is all you know how to be "for better or for worse".

Godly boasting

On Sunday, I was with a community group at our church and I listened as the men would boast about their wives. They couldn't help it. You could tell it was a common, natural tendency and that these men were passionate about their wives. It felt good to be among men who highly valued their wives. The boasts that these men made came from their heart and the character that God was putting in them. It was a picture of the Proverbs 31 woman, the one where the husbands heart trusts in her and where the husband praises her. It was very beautiful. And I believe this is a characteristic of a godly husband, one bursting with thankfulness and good things about his wife. A gody husband boasts about his wife. God commands the husband to love his wife and I believe that should be evident and burst forth to the world.

loving your wife

Praying this morning, I was struck by the thought, that God has called husbands to lay down their lives for their wives. I am to be for her. I cannot live for me. Its not about what I want or what I feel I need from her. My goal is to build her up in the Lord and to love her and to lay down my life for her. This is not a wimpy kind of love. It is a love that firmly calls us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus. And we must follow Jesus to be the husbands our wives need.

This does not just apply to marriage. We cannot live our lives for ourselves. We must have the same attitude as Christ and lay down our lives for others.

Someone made a good point about what I said earlier, so let me clarify. I talked earlier about running down the aisle for my bride. I think some might have got the picture of a foolish mad dash toward the bride. When I said this I did not mean a frantic blundering pursuit. Christ is waiting for the time His Father has set and He is strong in His trust of the Father. But I do think he longs for us. I do think His desires are set toward His Bride and He does long to come for us. And I don't think His desires are small. When I said this I was talking more about desire than action.

And I am not saying that I would run down the aisle. I was describing what I felt, not nessessarily what I would do. I think there is something amazingly beautiful about the father giving away his daughter. And I would not want to take anything away from that. I would not take her till her father has given her to me. But my desire and my love for her, will not be small, and I would not pretend that I don't desire and long for her.

Also there is some truth in this. One in Jewish tradition where the bridegroom did come for his wife after the father said it was time. And also in the fact that Christ will be coming for His bride. And the picture that I had when I wrote that was this, Christ coming for His bride.

I think what I am understanding is that Christ longs for us and that as His bride we can long for Him as well and cry out, "Come, Lord Jesus".

I went to a wedding October 13th. As I was thinking about the wedding and the groomsman standing there waiting for his bride, my heart stirred and cried out, "I don't know if I could stand there and wait for her to make it all the way down the aisle, I'd want to run passionately for her." That thought came and then the thought came of Christ coming for His bride.

Husband's kingship

based on a discussion with the men at church, Sunday, October 7, 2007; written Wednsday 10th

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body."

Husbands, I think we often respond in our flesh in trying to "fix" our wives or even to be more spiritual "to make them more godly". God has commanded us to sanctify our wives through loving her, giving up ourselves for her, and gently washing her with the word. Husbands, this is a romantic picture of love. Imagine the physical picture of this and do this with you words, emotions, and actions toward your wife. There is nothing more romantic. This love is not weak; our love is to come from the strength of Christ. We are to nourish and wash her with the word and truth. We are to love as men and are to shepherd our family towards Christ. It is a love that has amazing strength and integrity to it but is also full of tenderness. We are to live with her in an understanding way learning how to cherish and nourish her. Our words and actions should build her up, not tear her down. And just as Christ's love is effectual in sanctifying our hearts, our love through Christ will be effectual in changing our wives. God says that an ungodly man can be changed by a godly wife's respect (1 Peter 3). An ungodly wife can be changed by the love of her husband. So whether or not she is godly or not, we are free to passionately love her, knowing that our love is effectual.

Husbands, when we act in our flesh to "fix" our wives, we are responding just as bad as the nagging wife. We are in sin. We must also be careful; we are to wash our wife gently with the word, not our desires. And we are to do this in an understanding way that honors her. In fact the scripture says that if we respond with our flesh, God will not hear our prayers. "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."

So men, walk in freedom and extravagantly love your wives.