Clip from the Nativity Story

I really love this movie because it challenges me on what it means to be a husband. This clip for the first 5 minutes and 5 seconds shows good part of how this movie demonstrates a godly husband.

Husbands As Stay-At-Home Dads

Sleeping around and having had an abortion

God has been really challenging me lately. Over the past year or so He has been teaching me what it means to love someone. One of the things I've been wrestling with is how I would respond if the woman God would have me marry had a history of sleeping around and had had an abortion. Two very difficult things to come to grips with. It would be hard.

But I know this, I'd want her to feel safe and loved. I'd want her to feel pure and cherished. I'd want her to feel secure in my love and that she could trust me with her heart.

I'd want a woman to know this not just in a marriage but also as a brother. I know with my real sisters I want this. And I want my sisters in the Lord to know that they are deeply loved.

I am glad that God has put this on my heart. And has had me work through this, cause it has taught me more about the Gospel. God did not pursue a virgin, but a harlot, which is what I am without his grace. I murdered His Son. And yet God loves me and has covered my sin. This is the Gospel. This is the Love Story. I want to know this love and I want to love others with this kind of love.

Husbands love your wives

Ephesians 5:25-30

“25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30because we are members of His body.”


The scriptures paint a beautiful picture of the passion and the enduring and enveloping love of a husband for his wife. It is interesting that the scriptures never command the wife to love her husband. The husband, however, is commanded to love his wife in the most intense and serving way. He is to lay down his life for her. Husbands, when the scripture commands us to love our wives it uses the word “agape”, the very sacrificial love that represents Christ’s love for His church. The scripture describes our wives as “cherished”, “delight of your eyes”, “beloved”, “praised”, “more precious than jewels”, and “favor of the LORD”. Our love for our wives is to be a picture of Christ’s love for the church. Husbands, this is a love that has at its primary goal the good and protection of your wife. It is a love that sacrificially guards her under the word of God. Not in harshness but in the gentle and romantic strength of washing her with the word. A Husband must seek to serve his wife, nourishing and cherishing her, loving his wife as his own body. This is not a typical love, it is more. It is romantic, yet strong; passionate, yet deep and healthy. So husbands let us romance our wives in the amazing love Christ. Husbands, cultivate this love for your wife. And men, we must not wait till we are married for us to cultivate this kind of love, whether you are single or married, we must cultivate a heart of love. We must cultivate a love that not only lays our life down for our wife, but also for others, as we represent Christ’s love as men.

Beauty

Many years ago I watched this movie and one of the scenes stuck with me. The man had drawn a portrait of the woman he loved. When he drew the portrait, he didn’t hide who she was. The portrait was an accurate drawing of what she looked like faults and all. He showed it to her and explained that he knew her, he could see her faults, he didn’t have some fairy tale vision of who she was, but he loved her for who she was and that love was real. This is more than a fairy tale love. Its deeper and more real. And yes, I do want to love my wife this way, Lord willing, but, honestly, I do not know if God will give me a wife, but I do know that I can give this love to others. And I want them to know that Love.

sanctification

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
----------------------Ephesians 5:25-27

It can be fustrating, not having obtained perfection, to still fail and let God down. Our walk on this earth is not one of perfection, but of being perfected -sanctification. When we become saved, God doesn't take a huge fire hose and blast us with water. No, instead He comes close and gently washes us with the word. I don't understand why God does this, why we aren't made perfect. I hate the fact that I still sin. But I do know that this is romance, and somehow in all this, the romantic, gentle, loving character of God comes through. So in this walk where I am not perfect there is beauty and intimacy; and I am falling more in love with my Beloved.

Love Leaf

Beauty

written in 2005

I listened as a man told a story on the radio about him and his wife on their honeymoon. His wife had just gotten out of the shower in the morning and as she looked at herself in the mirror she began to point out parts of her that were unattractive. Her husband walked up to her and placed his arms around her and faced her towards himself. He told her that she was insulting his wife; he would not have that. Then he gently said, “Look into my eyes.” She looked into his eyes; it was obvious in his eyes that there was no woman more beautiful. As she looked at him he said, “Let my eyes be your mirror.” He would go on to tell her that throughout their marriage.

After hearing this story, I could hear Christ saying, “Look into my eyes, Let my eyes be your mirror.” I thought about this and I questioned whether or not I wanted this. I don’t want to just be told that I am loved. I want to face my sin. I want to have victory over it. I do not just want to be told that I am wonderful and still be left in my sin. Then I thought about Jesus’ gaze, the gaze that penetrates the deepest parts of the heart, leaving nothing unsearched. How it is stern and loving. Jesus says, “Look into my eyes.” I realized that His gaze not only searches the inmost being, but it also purifies the deepest sin.

As we look into His eyes we see such great love, as He holds us in His arms and tells us that we are lovely. How could this be? A gaze so piercing and yet it contains such an enravished and gentle love, one drop being more than all the poems could contain. One drop bringing healing to our hurting heart. Such a love that makes you forget about yourself and abandon all as you are enraptured in romance of the Beloved. Now, all that matters is being with Him.

I also came to realize, if our eyes are on Jesus then we will be doing what Jesus is doing as Jesus did what the Father was doing. When we trust Him fully with our hearts we will go where He goes. Romance is at the heart of sanctification and holiness.

So let us, look into His eyes and let Him be are mirror. “Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world.” This is not a gaze into our idea or concept of who Jesus is. But it is the gaze of a broken and contrite heart that trembles at God’s word and allows His truth to run wild and rule as a lion, without compromise. It is a humble walk before our Creator and Lord. It is a gaze that lets Christ be who He is and a gaze that allows us to be who He is creating us to be.


“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His Marvelous light . . .” 1 Peter 2:9

loving others

A close married friend of mine was talking with me, today. And he said that when you get married you marry for "better or for worse" and sometimes that "worse" is you hurting because you know that you are not the man you want to be for your wife. You don't always know how to be there for her or give her what she needs. And you want so much more for her. But you don't back away. And you are not to be afraid of being her husband. You continue to be her husband and to walk with the Lord in loving her. You are her husband for "better or for worse", even when that "worse" is you.

This convicted me because I don't always feel adequate to be there for others and I always want to give so much more than I seem able to. I don't need to hide because I feel inadequate or because I hurt so much because I do not know how to be there. Sometimes you have to realize, regardless of you adequacy, it does not stop you from being a friend. And sometimes that is all you know how to be "for better or for worse".

Godly boasting

On Sunday, I was with a community group at our church and I listened as the men would boast about their wives. They couldn't help it. You could tell it was a common, natural tendency and that these men were passionate about their wives. It felt good to be among men who highly valued their wives. The boasts that these men made came from their heart and the character that God was putting in them. It was a picture of the Proverbs 31 woman, the one where the husbands heart trusts in her and where the husband praises her. It was very beautiful. And I believe this is a characteristic of a godly husband, one bursting with thankfulness and good things about his wife. A gody husband boasts about his wife. God commands the husband to love his wife and I believe that should be evident and burst forth to the world.

loving your wife

Praying this morning, I was struck by the thought, that God has called husbands to lay down their lives for their wives. I am to be for her. I cannot live for me. Its not about what I want or what I feel I need from her. My goal is to build her up in the Lord and to love her and to lay down my life for her. This is not a wimpy kind of love. It is a love that firmly calls us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus. And we must follow Jesus to be the husbands our wives need.

This does not just apply to marriage. We cannot live our lives for ourselves. We must have the same attitude as Christ and lay down our lives for others.

Someone made a good point about what I said earlier, so let me clarify. I talked earlier about running down the aisle for my bride. I think some might have got the picture of a foolish mad dash toward the bride. When I said this I did not mean a frantic blundering pursuit. Christ is waiting for the time His Father has set and He is strong in His trust of the Father. But I do think he longs for us. I do think His desires are set toward His Bride and He does long to come for us. And I don't think His desires are small. When I said this I was talking more about desire than action.

And I am not saying that I would run down the aisle. I was describing what I felt, not nessessarily what I would do. I think there is something amazingly beautiful about the father giving away his daughter. And I would not want to take anything away from that. I would not take her till her father has given her to me. But my desire and my love for her, will not be small, and I would not pretend that I don't desire and long for her.

Also there is some truth in this. One in Jewish tradition where the bridegroom did come for his wife after the father said it was time. And also in the fact that Christ will be coming for His bride. And the picture that I had when I wrote that was this, Christ coming for His bride.

I think what I am understanding is that Christ longs for us and that as His bride we can long for Him as well and cry out, "Come, Lord Jesus".

I went to a wedding October 13th. As I was thinking about the wedding and the groomsman standing there waiting for his bride, my heart stirred and cried out, "I don't know if I could stand there and wait for her to make it all the way down the aisle, I'd want to run passionately for her." That thought came and then the thought came of Christ coming for His bride.

Husband's kingship

based on a discussion with the men at church, Sunday, October 7, 2007; written Wednsday 10th

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body."

Husbands, I think we often respond in our flesh in trying to "fix" our wives or even to be more spiritual "to make them more godly". God has commanded us to sanctify our wives through loving her, giving up ourselves for her, and gently washing her with the word. Husbands, this is a romantic picture of love. Imagine the physical picture of this and do this with you words, emotions, and actions toward your wife. There is nothing more romantic. This love is not weak; our love is to come from the strength of Christ. We are to nourish and wash her with the word and truth. We are to love as men and are to shepherd our family towards Christ. It is a love that has amazing strength and integrity to it but is also full of tenderness. We are to live with her in an understanding way learning how to cherish and nourish her. Our words and actions should build her up, not tear her down. And just as Christ's love is effectual in sanctifying our hearts, our love through Christ will be effectual in changing our wives. God says that an ungodly man can be changed by a godly wife's respect (1 Peter 3). An ungodly wife can be changed by the love of her husband. So whether or not she is godly or not, we are free to passionately love her, knowing that our love is effectual.

Husbands, when we act in our flesh to "fix" our wives, we are responding just as bad as the nagging wife. We are in sin. We must also be careful; we are to wash our wife gently with the word, not our desires. And we are to do this in an understanding way that honors her. In fact the scripture says that if we respond with our flesh, God will not hear our prayers. "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."

So men, walk in freedom and extravagantly love your wives.