"a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 4

Men, we must be men who pursue our wives, not in the passions of our desire or in the arena of social agendas or church events or relationships, but instead on our knees in prayer, and in the word and with accountability with other men. As we develop relationships with our sisters, our intentions should be to build them up and encourage them as brothers. Its ok to get to know a woman, I think we can be so concerned about our motivations that we create an unhealthy wall between us and our sisters, but its not ok to do so in a way that takes her. As a brother you should seek her best, to learn how to encourage her in the Lord. This means realizing that in your relationship with a woman that she needs a brother, first. I think when we are attracted to a woman; we can make getting to know her a means to find out if she is the one, instead of honestly just trying to get to know her. When in reality she doesn’t need to fit our concept of what we want her to be, she is the Lord’s and serves him and not us. And so as we get to know our sisters, we need to encourage them in what God is doing in their lives, not try to figure out how they fit our own plan. There may be times that you find your self desiring to pursue a woman, but because you are seeking a wife on your knees and with accountability from other men, you know that pursuing her is not what is best for her. And as a brother you have to deny your desires and continue to encourage her in what God is doing in her life. Love is often laying down your own desires for another. If we are to pursue marriage, God will show us this on our knees, not in us trying to figure it out in the confusion and messiness of our feelings and social agendas. In our interactions with other women we need to allow them to be who God is making them to be. I don’t want a woman to feel like she has to jump through the hoops of my agenda in order to be beautiful. And I don’t want her to feel like she has to compare herself to other women (Which is why I want to learn to treat all my sisters well and equally beautiful). God has made her beautiful and I want to encourage that beauty.

Men, when you are a man that pursues a woman on your knees and in the word and with accountability, it allows the women to feel safe, because they know that your relationships with them are for the purpose of encouraging them and building them up because they are beautiful, not to determine whether they are beautiful. They also know that they can count on you as a brother, because you are willing to lay down your desires for them, even when it hurts. And they know that in your pursuit of a wife, your not holding up a standard that they have to live up to, but are waiting on the Lord for His council on who to pursue. And they know that the determination of whether you are pursuing them as a wife is not because they don’t measure up and it is not dependent on some standard that they must live up to, but because you are a man on your knees, seeking God’s will with integrity from a sincere and solid desire to hear the Lord. So instead of following your passions, you stand in integrity and love with the heart of God.

I know some amazing women. And I know for myself that as I pursue a wife this way, I can honestly say that in my flesh I might pursue them and the reason I am not pursuing them is not because they are not worthy or physically beautiful, but because I must follow the Lord. And it would break my heart if they felt like they were not worthy or beautiful, because that is so far from the truth. And I hope that as I walk in the solid foundation of seeking a wife on my knees, that that security and strength will encourage my sisters in the Lord. I believe that as men stand in integrity of who God is, women will feel beautiful and cherished. There will still be hurt and messy relationships because we live in a sinful world, but the more we stand as men the more we can point to the One who provides security in midst of this messed up world and emotions.

For part 1: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 1
For part 2: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 2
For part 3: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 3
For part 4: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 4
For part 5: "a man who will bring out who she is not just take her", part 5